Note To Self…

Try to be more confident. Try not to let your anxiety get the best of you and make you miss out on amazing life experiences and opportunities. Try to actually message and text others first, even if that means being rejected. Try not to let your loneliness be a deciding factor of how your future will be for you. Try to learn from your mistakes and always do better. Try not to think of the past too much and worry about how you could have changed things because there’s no point in that.

No one will remember that presentation you gave on the Greeks and Romans from high school, and how you kept stuttering throughout it. Or when you tripped going down the aisle of the school bus senior year with it full of people. Or how red your face got when your teacher completely called you out for not having your homework done in eighth grade. Or that painful quietness of your math classroom when you just didn’t know the answer, but your teacher was waiting despite already knowing you didn’t know, the only sound coming from the hum of the radiator and the dull ticking of the clock.

No one will remember how bad and frizzy your hair looked that one day. Or how fucking stupid and isolated you felt when your friend group ~politely~ kicked you out of the group project because apparently you were the one that was just “one person too many” and how you ended up doing it all alone. Or how pathetic  you were for only being invited to one sweet 16 in high school, and not even going because you would only know a few people and they would most likely be with their other friends. Or how you didn’t even go to your own prom because of how lonely you felt, even though three of your (only) friends wanted you to go, yet they all had dates they would be with. (And also you didn’t want to spend the money on the prom ticket or spend the time to find a prom dress as well as the money to spend on the dress and getting a ride there and back home because you can’t even drive and don’t even have a car. Which now that you think about it wouldn’t have mattered anyways).

No one will remember all those days you spent in the library during lunch period because you didn’t have anyone to sit with, and you didn’t want other people to know. No one will remember that time you nearly cried in the bathroom at school like a fucking cliché due to how alone you felt freshman year because of how all your middle school friends were slowly finding their friend groups, and you weren’t.

Things in the past are in the past. Minor details about how you got to where you are don’t matter, and don’t define you as a person. Get out of your comfort zone, as much as you can, and try new things you never would expect yourself to do. Try to take risks, cause I know you worry too much about the future outcome of your decisions. There will always be room for improvement and growth if you allow it to enter your life. No one knows what the future holds for you, not even yourself. People go through difficult experiences you have no knowledge about, so take time to be kind to any and everyone who comes into your life, no matter how brief that time is. Don’t take moments with the ones that surround you for granted because one day they won’t be there to hold your hand and grant you the comfort you’ve grown so used to having.

Everyday is a new day, and it will only be that day once. You will only continue to get older, so cherish the time you have now as one who is young and beautiful. Don’t forget to take photos along the way of every single moment.

From,

Future You.

 

A.N: Thank you for reading my slightly embarrassing rant and post traumatic public school experiences (ha). This was mostly just meant for me to just get all of my past shit written down in black and white out there in the open instead of just letting it cloud up in my mind like always. It’s something I’ve been struggling with recently and I know I shouldn’t be because there’s nothing I could do to change anything. Writing all my thoughts down has helped though, so I’m happy I did this.

See you next weekend.

M.P xx

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