Hello internet, I’m baaaack. Let’s talk summer.
(Yes, I really had to put that High School Musical gif in this, it’s a requirement of being a millennial). People probably think of summer and get instantaneous joy from the thought of no school work or academic responsibility, a change in wardrobe, having much more free time and a more flexible schedule, and having opportunities for ~summer activities~.
And yes, in theory so do I: warm weather, constant sunshine, cold food and drinks to keep from dying from super hot days. In practice however, that’s only a small percentage of this season for me. Now I’ve been home for about a week from college, and I’ve probably been actually out of my house like twice, which is highkey embarrassing with me being fatass 19 years old while seeing other people my age actually doing things with their friends. A typical summer for me is doing absolutely nothing on my bed for nearly the entire day. Of course, this sounds pathetic, so when I reach the point of completely hating myself, I try to make plans to workout and exercise…Which only lasts about a week before I end up taking my “rest day” that eventually turns into me never working out for another few months.
Being alone for long periods of time is something that I’m actually used to; being someone who actually enjoys it more often than I should. But, like with anyone, it leads to me spiraling into pits of depression from lack of actual friend-to-friend contact. The toxicity of social media is a whole other factor that plays into it, and of course I’m that person who spends the majority of her day on social media. Something I probably (definitely) should not be doing, but my lack of self control and need to be nosy and read about other people’s lives keeps me from actually not being on these sites. Seeing posts on Instagram both distracts me from the fact that I’m not doing anything, and also reminds me that I’m doing nothing? Yeah, that makes sense.. (no it doesn’t but pretend you get it).
At least during the school semester there’s assignments for me to do to keep me distracted from the uselessness I always feel. Getting good grades and finishing never ending projects makes me feel this sense of accomplishment I don’t get from anywhere else during the summer months. Well other than from having a summer job (which I’m still waiting to hear back from officially which sucks and is giving me major anxiety but it’s fine hahahahaahahhdshshyhdsfkhfh).
Also! Me still not being able to drive is extremely annoying! And feeds into my depression even more! I constantly feel the same sort of trapped I felt while in high school, and can’t even get out when I want to. Which is all the time right now.
SO yeah. I probably should be doing something to keep my mind occupied, but here I am ranting and complaining about how much my life sucks on the internet. This is an equivalent form of therapy.. right???? (Also currently listening to Shawn Mendes’ new album which slaps, and is providing me with much needed content for the moment, so that’s good. This album could also probably be counted as a therapy sesh if you try hard enough.) Okay, I feel like this post is a whole mess but I just needed to get this (whatever is it??) out there and share what I’m feeling if anyone sort of relates to it. Like Comment And Subscribe Down Below If- jk wrong website.
Anywayyyyyyyyyyy see you next weekend 😛